Movies

So I’ve watched quite a few movies lately: The Reader, Notorious, Slumdog Millionaire, Yes! Man.

Each of those movies, even including the last, all have something to say about life. It’s nothing too profound, nothing too far fetched, but it’s all pretty real, and it’s all a part of life: part of our journey through 100 years.

We try so hard as young children to hurry up and grow up, not realizing how precious of a time we are living in that moment. I feel like I’ve been doing that to myself my entire life. Even now. I’m at that point in my life where I know it’s time to look for a real job and start bracing myself for the real world. I’m so young. I know I don’t have to have my life figured out right now, but I’m caught between knowing that and pushing myself in the “hurry up grow up” direction. It’s like I’m straddling the line of childhood and adulthood. I’m dancing the freaking hokey pokey here not knowing if I’m ready to put my left foot in with my right.

There are so many different directions that my life could go in from this point on. I don’t want to be stuck doing something I don’t love my whole life. And I don’t want to waste any time I have either. Every second is so precious. Being emotionally fulfilled is something that I want so badly, and it’s something I feel like I have to work at so much harder than a lot of people.

I look back on the past 21 years and there are 2 things that I feel have really shaped me into the person that I am right now. And I want to let go of one of those things because I feel like I’ve been playing tug-o-war for the past 4 years. It’s exhausting. You think you’re done and then a 4-runner comes in and sideswipes ya! 

Watching The Reader tonight really helped me see what life can look like when you spend its entirety clinging on to a person or a memory: allowing it to hold you back from truly living because you’re so preoccupied with living in the past, in a moment that no longer exists.

How is it that we allow those people to have such profound impacts? Why does God place these people in our lives or put these situations before us? I guess that’s something I’ll never know until I leave this Earth.

I know how I want to live. And I know the way that I am living. They’re not the same. How do I make that change? Where do I get the motivation? 

Comments

[javierly]

I have to watch "The Reader" and "Doubt" ... also "Milk" and "The Wrestler", but now I'm in Morocco and it's not too easy to find good movies on the theatres. Hope to see you soon! Kisses.