ideas spoken

Advice

Best advice I've gotten so far at Q13: "remember what's really important in your life."

It's so true. And yet, so difficult in a society that tells you to reach for the top and stop at nothing until you get there. Step on whomever it takes, do whatever you have to do, be who they want you to be, etc. Doesn't that just sound exhausting?

The next chapter will be quite an interesting one, to say the least. Who knows what will end up unfolding, but nevertheless, it's going to be quite a ride. 

I have advice coming out of my ears, no joke. I feel like I've learned so much, that I'm on overload, but at the same time, there is so much more I have to learn!! It's always interesting talking to someone you look up to, only to see what they've sacrificed to get what you think you want. 

Oh, how the world works...sigh...

Movies

So I’ve watched quite a few movies lately: The Reader, Notorious, Slumdog Millionaire, Yes! Man.

Each of those movies, even including the last, all have something to say about life. It’s nothing too profound, nothing too far fetched, but it’s all pretty real, and it’s all a part of life: part of our journey through 100 years.

We try so hard as young children to hurry up and grow up, not realizing how precious of a time we are living in that moment. I feel like I’ve been doing that to myself my entire life. Even now. I’m at that point in my life where I know it’s time to look for a real job and start bracing myself for the real world. I’m so young. I know I don’t have to have my life figured out right now, but I’m caught between knowing that and pushing myself in the “hurry up grow up” direction. It’s like I’m straddling the line of childhood and adulthood. I’m dancing the freaking hokey pokey here not knowing if I’m ready to put my left foot in with my right.

There are so many different directions that my life could go in from this point on. I don’t want to be stuck doing something I don’t love my whole life. And I don’t want to waste any time I have either. Every second is so precious. Being emotionally fulfilled is something that I want so badly, and it’s something I feel like I have to work at so much harder than a lot of people.

I look back on the past 21 years and there are 2 things that I feel have really shaped me into the person that I am right now. And I want to let go of one of those things because I feel like I’ve been playing tug-o-war for the past 4 years. It’s exhausting. You think you’re done and then a 4-runner comes in and sideswipes ya! 

Watching The Reader tonight really helped me see what life can look like when you spend its entirety clinging on to a person or a memory: allowing it to hold you back from truly living because you’re so preoccupied with living in the past, in a moment that no longer exists.

How is it that we allow those people to have such profound impacts? Why does God place these people in our lives or put these situations before us? I guess that’s something I’ll never know until I leave this Earth.

I know how I want to live. And I know the way that I am living. They’re not the same. How do I make that change? Where do I get the motivation? 

The Long Haul

Ho kay, so… lol Bear with me, we’re on a weeks worth of catch up time here!

I’m chilin’ in the business office at Embassy Suites awaiting my 4am arrival to the airport in San Francisco to take off on my intensely awaited European Adventure, and I can’t tell you how exhausted this week has made me! Not to mention the aggrivation I feel typing on someone else’s keyboard where the “backspace” key is detached, which makes for a tricky type job!

Saying goodbye to the kids I’ve been nannying for these past few weeks was really tough. Some really unexpected things were placed in my lap and the job ended up being one of the hardest I’ve ever had. It was extremely emotionally and physically challenging and draining. I really grew to love those kids in that short amount of time, believe it…or not. Kyle almost had me in tears as I walked out their door.

I had dinner with my 6th grade Social Studies teacher last week and one thing she said to me was “it’s so funny the lives that we touch, for good reasons and for not so good reasons.” How true is that? It felt great to spend a few hours reminiscing over some Thai food, which I haven’t had since I left Seattle : ) We caught up on old teachers and lives and all those warm fuzzy things, you know!

Today, was the day of all days though. As my final day in my house, everything just sort of had an eerie feel to it. Our house was severely empty, and I had to say goodbye to my dog, Elvis. That sucked. I’m not gonna lie about that at all. I love my dog, and after loosing Gadget, it was hard to know that we had to give Elvis away and that he wasn’t going to be able to make the move. One thing that killed me was saying goodbye to all of the neighbors. These are some of the most incredible adults I’ve ever met. They’ve really taken hold of a special place in my heart. The Caris family, “Boos & Kaky,” Jim & Liz… you guys are great and I can’t thank you enough for loving my family the way that you do! I can’t wait until we move back and get to have you as our neighbors again! But I’d have to say I held it together pretty well in the tears department!

This month was really bittersweet. I feel sincerely awful for not being able to visit some people at home that mean an awful lot to me. I’m not here to make excuses to those people that I hurt by not being able to see them, because I regret not being able to visit. This month really got away from me (between packing, working, and prepping for this trip). Time flew abnormally fast, and I wasn’t able to do half of the things I wanted to while I was home; I really should have known better. I can honestly say that I have not been this emotionally and physically tried in my entire life, as much as I have been this past month.

Some pretty major things happened being home this month. A lot of changes, tears, smiles and far too many goodbyes, that’s for sure. But what I keep reminding myself is that these are not “goodbyes,” but more rather are “see you laters”.

Thank you to all my friends and those who I consider family for helping me grow and change and for loving me and my family the way that you do! I cherish you all, even if you don’t hear me say that often! I’ll always be a California girl, no matter where I am!

Next time you hear from me I’ll be a newly found Parisian! We’re at about T-minus three hours until we’re headed off to the airport for my 6AM flight. Here goes nothin’! Look out Paris! Here comes trouble : )

Ok, so let me tell you... this whole packing up your house thing, it's really not that great! Little things keep disappearing into boxes and it's leaving MY house with empty spaces! EEK! I mean, I'll be honest with you, it sucks that my family has to move, but in the same breath, it's kind of exciting! I mean really, who has any clue what these next two years or so have in store for the Daniels/Koda family?!?! I certainly haven't a clue, but I'll tell you that I trust God's plan! And what a relief that is! haha

So at the moment, the house in quiet, I've opened the windows to let that gorgeous California sunshine in and am thinking that I better get on packing for Paris! I've been keeping in touch with 4 of the 5 roomies I'll have while I'm abroad and you'd swear we're all just a bunch of giddy little school girls! We're trying to work out plans with rail passes at the moment. I'm dreaming of Barcelona, Greece, London..... man oh man! Best to not get carried away here! haha Getting ready to spend some good quality time with Dani is also something I've really been looking forward to! : )

The last real Monday is half way complete. This week is going to go by at lightning speed, I can already tell! We'll have dinner with Bruce & Cathy, our neighbors, to say farewell this evening, and I'll get the chance to meet up with my old teammates tomorrow and have several other sad goodbyes to look forward throughout the week, but as I close another chapter of my "almost" adult life, I look forward to an amazing five weeks in Europe! And even before that, one last BOMB 4th of July celebration with family during the day, and my old group of friends at night, on the beach for fireworks! Wooo Hooo!

So as I enter the last full week in my beautiful Oak Hills, Monterey, California residence, I begin to sigh and realize that all good things must come to an end, yet with all endings come new beginnings!

The Bucket List

I just watched “The Bucket List” and I have a few things I need to get off my chest:

The beauty of life is one of the most powerful and moving things. The majesty of the world we live in is beyond description, when you really think about how detailed and intricately designed everything is.

The lens through which I view the world around me is defined by my creator, Jesus Christ, but however you choose to view our world, I am certain you can meet me on the same level when I say that joy comes from some special place that is beyond us.

Happiness is something we create throughout our short years here on earth. But joy, joy arrives in those little unexpected moments, when you’re not looking for it or reaching for it. It comes to us when the stars align, when we happen to be in that precise place at that exact time; it is in that moment that it hits us. Joy comes in those moments through which we least expect. It’s that overwhelming feeling that nothing in that instant could change the encapsulating euphoric feeling that fills your body from head to toe.

I live for moments like those; the times when my mom and I laugh so hard about nothing that we end up in tears (literally for no reason at all); the pure perfection I see on the faces of my brothers when they’re laughing, or when we cuddle in the rocking chair; sitting around the dinner table at Thanksgiving with my entire family; watching a young man give up his seat for an elderly woman on the Fremont Bart train in the sketchiest part of the Bay Area, or watching a single leaf fall from a tree all by itself; the sunsets on the beach; the mountains covered in fresh powder; these are the moments I live for.

These moments have all been defining ones for me. The nights when I open my Bible not knowing what to expect and being hit with something that couldn’t have been more applicable at any given time. It’s then, when life hits me in face and I am completely filled with joy.

I’ve lived twenty years of life, and the things that I’ve learned in this short span of time are things that I pray will stick with me throughout the rest of my years; learning to love and let someone else love me, letting go of pain and hurt and memories that have left scars, forgiving the people who have turned their backs in my direction, not being embarrassed to admit that I am broken and need Jesus more than anyone else, and not letting fear or embarrassment hold me back from living the life that has been given to me.

So, if you’ve ever touched my life in anyway, this is for you.
If you’ve ever loved me, held me, deceived me, watched me, pierced my heart, or cherished me in any way, I love you. If you’ve ever hurt me, carried me, let me cry with you, this is to let you know that directly or indirectly, you have contributed to the joys in my life. You have defined the individual that I have become and am becoming. Thank you for showing me who you are through even the littlest of things you’ve done.